Weirdly Enough I Feel Cheated
Alright so from the moment I found out that I was pregnant with #3 I wanted a girl, I love having two girls and did not really want to upset the balance by adding a boy in. Plus I have a purely selfish reason: I am very comfortable with girls which is kind of weird. I have never been a huge fan of females in general, in fact I can rarely stand being around many of the women I meet because I find them fake, phony, annoying or something or another…I wonder why I don’t have any friends LOL. Even in school I hung out with the guys because I understood the guys, but the thought of having a boy child myself really made me cringe. I see little boys running around the playground getting dirty, playing superhero and jumping off of the slides and just doing stuff that my girls don’t do and it just makes me scratch my head and wonder what their parents do with them.
So, I was pretty set on the idea of having a girl…plus I already have two girls, so there was a really good chance that this one was a girl too. Hubby on the other hand really wanted a boy and I knew this. When I was pregnant with Eve and the doctors told me at the first ultrasound that she was a he…and then I told hubby, he had one of the most excited reactions that I have ever seen him have. It was a pretty big blow to him when we found out later that she was a girl and not a boy. So, this time around since he is adamant that this is our LAST ONE, I knew he was really really really hoping/praying for a boy…and so was his family.
So, I went in to the ultrasound prepared for and having told everyone that I wanted a girl…I even have a draft name picked out (not that I am telling y’all yet). Finally the tech asked what I thought I was having and when I said “girl” she said “you are right”. That that moment I felt the weirdest combination of satisfaction (I was getting my third girl and the balance wasn’t going to be upset) and overwhelming disappointment. WAIT! Where did this this disappointment come from? I didn’t really want a boy, I wasn’t expecting a boy, I knew that a boy would change the whole family dynamic and yet I was feeling oddly disappointed.
Logically speaking a girl is probably the best…having a boy would change everything, even the relationship the girls have with their dad; hubby even admitted to the fact that he would have spent and done more stuff with a boy. A boy would have made bath time harder, we would have needed to buy a whole lot of stuff since most of what we have says girl, and there would have been a HUGE naming fight since Hubby wanted to name a boy after himself…and I wasn’t down with that idea at all. I don’t have to worry about raising a mama’s boy (trust me, as the wife of a mama’s boy and as the daughter in law of a mama that I don’t like and who doesn’t like me, that is ROUGH) .
But, at the same time, I feel kind of cheated…I am never going to know what it is like to have a boy…I am not going to be able to buy boy clothes and watch my boy grow into a man. I feel cheated. I so happy with my girl, I love the idea of my girl, I love my girl…but at the same time I feel a sense of total disappointment. This is the last kiddo according to hubby: “Two was a perfect number, three is too many…no more”.
I wouldn’t want to keep trying until I had a boy…that would be absurd, but I think I would be willing to have have one more if I knew it was going to be a boy…
Isn’t it funny how we feel about these things sometimes, even when we get what we 95% wanted? It’s okay to be conflicted
I just found out were expecting #3 and we have two boys. Hubby and I both would love a girl this time, as it’s our last also. Can’t wait to find out if we will be buying pink stuff…lol
Now you know how I feel with three boys LOL Congratulations!
You have mirrored our family’s thoughts exactly. Three girls here. No more. However, I know my husband was hoping for a boy. But now that the kids have very distinct personalities, he says he wouldn’t have it any other way. They’re a handful. And they do everything with daddy, just like any boy would do. Minus the standing at the toilet.
i’ll send you 1 of mine. (we have 3 of each) and then when you drop him off and run screaming away from my house you will feel no disappointment…only RELIEF. lol
You know, I think all, or at least the majority of guys, hope for a boy. I didn’t have a brother until the day before I turned 16 my parents just decided to have “another set because they didn’t want an empty nest so soon.”
I’m very much a girly girl but my dad taught me how to throw a perfect spiral with a football, taught me to use tools of all sorts (power drills aren’t as easy as they look whatsoever.)He taught me how to fish (stink bait is so foul.) He helped with our sports and a zillion other things. I’m not exactly sure what would have been different if I had had a brother my age.
My little brother watches the same cartoons as my littlest sister (they ended up having a girl when I was 18) they play with the same dinosaur toys (she has dolls but she likes to play whatever he’s playing) they create the same sort of play-doh creations, round around the park jumping off stuff, etc. I guess the only thing that will be different is the clothes they wear and that he’ll tell my brother “have her home on time” versus telling my sister, “you be home on time” when they get to a dating age and start going out with people.
I’ve so been in your shoes, but with boys. I have 5 sons. I had the most awesome names picked out. You might like my post, “The Girls Room.” There are definite perks in being the mom of daughters:) Enjoy for me!!!
My SIL feels the EXACT same way! She has twin boys, and is pregnant with her 3rd…boy…and her husband REALLY wanted a girl…but, they have all boy stuff…so, it’s a contradiction. I understand – it’s not something you WANT to think, but of course it’s perfectly natural to think it!
congrats, again.
I know exactly how you feel. I had 3 boys and I did want a girl so one more try and I am so glad I did. I love the boys to no end ,I also wanted a daughter!My beautiful baby girl just turned 21 and she is a true blessing
I don’t have any kids yet but this was really interesting to read. I am scared to have girls because I am not very girly and I have always had mostly male friends. It seems like parents worry less about their sons than their daughters. Just remember, all that really matters is that your baby is healthy
I felt the same when I found out the sex of babies #3(boy but wanted a third girl) and #4(wanted another boy so I’d have 2 girls/2boys). Funny how once they get here your feelings change though–I wouldn’t change anything now. And you never know, you might get a 4th. My dh said the same thing after we had number three!
When I was pregnant with my third I also wanted to have another girl, since I had two already. But you know what? I had a boy and he is the sweetest and the best ever! He is like my brother in that he doesn’t like getting dirty and is so easy to raise. I was worried he would be a wild man but that didn’t happen. I couldn’t be happier. He has been so good with his sisters, too.
I think your feelings are so normal. Even though you rationalized that another girl would be best, you still have a part of you that wonders what it’s like to have a son. And that’s okay! Maybe somewhere down the road, you might try for the fourth… or you might find out that three girls are exactly, perfectly what you want.
Thanks for sharing- I’m definitely having the reverse feelings! I have one boy, and am pregnant with #2. With my first, I REALLY wanted a girl, but now that I have a boy I kind of just want another boy. I still have 5 weeks until I can find out, but I think I will be disappointed if it’s not a girl, even though I think a boy would be best (they will only be 11.5 months apart… YIKES!)
I’m very glad my husband didn’t want to name his son after him… Harold. Luckily, he came up with Harrison, which is a variation. Perfect!
I understand entirely. We have two boys and my wife has always wanted a little girl. We plan on stopping when we have a third child, and although I love having sons, I will probably feel a bit cheated if our third child is also a boy. I am also sure that knowing your husband will never have a chance to help raise a boy (whom he would inherently understand more than girls) weighs in on your feelings.
I’m sure you will just accept that you were just meant to have all girls. Thanks for the great article that addresses feelings many of us do not feel comfortable admitting.